simple compassion : moving

''The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.''
John 1 v 14

to live as Jesus would have.

Jesus came down to this earth, from the glories of heaven. so that we can have hope for life. he shone in all of the darkness. we are called to SHINE where we are; live out God's love amongst the people that we live in, in our own community. thats the challenge. living out of your comfort zone. may be in somewhere that you don't want to live.

mum asked me what i was thinking about doing with the flat that i wanted to move into. i honestly don't know. i don't know whether i'm too chicken to move or whether i've challenged myself to think about whether its necessary. i'm suposed to be living out a simple life. living by myself would be 'wasting' money. i mean some people don't even have a house. but then again, am i always going to live in the safety and comfort of my home here?....i really don't know what to think....all i know is right now, my head if full of too much crap that i can't focus on anything for myself. nothing. where is my disseration gone?....

ooh...gotta add that there's this deadly thing going around to do with e.coli in cucumbers. apparently nothing in UK....BUT, i have a hell of a lot cucumbers in the fridge. to eat or not to eat?...that is the questtion!

simple compassion : heros

''For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.''
Jeremiah 29 v 11

how can your dream impact on the people around you?

how can anything i do imfluence the community that i live in ? i dunno. i dont even know what my dream is, don't really know what on earth i'm called to do. God, please give me this vision of what exactly i should do in my life, my direction.

last night i went to visit mustafa's family because rizgar and his family came back to visit. it was so funny. so so funny. reminds of good times. i remember the first time that i met his family was at mustafa's house about 2 and a half years ago. we were drawing. not that much has changed. apart from skalla and zanyar! there's this korean drama series that everyone seems obssessed with watching. the girl is called 'dongee'...thats my nickname!! kinda sounds like donkey or doggie!!! thank you God for this relaxing time. i needed it. we had 'shifti' (watermelon). us kiddies were upstairs and rana could smell it...it was hilarious!

man, how i wish i was still a kid. a child with no worries, to be carefree..that is truely a blessing.

simple compassion : hand-me-downs

''When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possessions''
Ephesians 1 v 14

we have a heavenly inheritance of living hope.

we all inherit something from our families. we should all inherit something from our father in heaven. does my life reflect those good characteristics? i really need to examine myself and think about what i really do and why. how can i help God to advance his kingdom. i feel so redundant and aimless at the moment,....headling like Jonah, the opposite direction to what God wants.

one thing that i'm still struggling with is the whole housing thing. there's no way that i could move out and say that i'm living a life of simplicity, is there? it's a waste of money. there's no other way of looking at it, is there?.....

simple compassion : wrecked

''live a life worthy of the calling you have received''
Ephesians 4v1

what does it really mean to live out for God? how to live simply. do we have to sell everything and have nothing? i really don't understand. let it be a continuing challenge.

so, we had the farewell party last night. it was ok. kinda fun. the best thing was that youyou make the decision! yeh! after 2 years in hull, she made the big decision to follow christ. made me think how everything is a process and takes time. so often we want instant results, to see instant change, but you dont get that.

i'm depressed at myself. why on earth do i spend half my life lost in doing stuff for people? i don't put anytime for myself. i'll never move on. God, should i move? or should stay put and concentrate on what i'm suposed to. it's just that i can't get myself out of this trap that i've shoved myself in.

Primarni day....sigh....

simple compassion : downward

''...have the same attitude as Christ Jesus had: Who being in very nature God. did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage, rather, he made himself nothing by taking th veryy nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a human being, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even deather on a cross''
Philippians 2 v 5-8

humble.

it's the continuing challenge of living a humble life. a holy life. reflecting God and living in the community. God, what do you want me to do? i've been looking at flats again. not quite sure what i want. i think that i'm dreaming. if I engross myself into this dream, then i dont need to think about anything. i don't know what i'm frustrated with....just myself. will i really be able to sort myself out if i move to a little place by myself? or would I just be wasting money? God, I honestly have no idea what i should really be doing. at all. how can i be a person with so little direction.

simple compassion : enough

''then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and i will listen to you. you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all you heart. i will be found by you''
jeremiah 29 v 12-14

simplicity. humble. focus on God.

but, how to do that. all i do is think about this and that. too much clutter in my life. my own clutter and everyone elses. it's 2.15am and i dont want to go to sleep. what is wrong with me.
i've been thinking. too much.

i think that God is trying to teach me something in Phillippians. everywhere i turn and everything that i listen/read is philippians....yet i'm ignoring it. i need to study it better. i feel lost. lost with my life and the direction. i'm desperate to move on with my life but i can't. i have no skill, no chance of getting a job. i've lost my confidence. i dont want to see people anymore, dont want to help people. not because i dont want to, but because i've realised that i can't help people. i don't know anything, yet people ask me and i try, but i'm useless and make things worse for them. i feel for Ninny, but i can't do anything. she's got a house that doesn't have anything, and, sigh, i dunno. i just have a bad feeling about things at the moment. mr a has a problem and i feel like i contributed to it somehow, i dunno why, i just feel bad. i relly dont want this thing to get him down. i really don't. i go to shano's house and mess up bayar's bike and the photos. i give up with myself. i really do. what use am i really?

so, how to live freely, to live as God wants me to?

my life is such a mess. God. how to go forward?

simple compassion : expectations

''he has shown all you people what is good. and what does the LORD require of you? to act justly and love mercy and to walk humbly with your God''

Micah 6 v 8

'to make a difference in the world, to share God's love with others, we have to trust that we actually can do that'. can i? am i good enough?

not really, i think that deep down i don't really love myself or respect myself to be honest. it's always been the case, but i just dont know how to get around it. i know it though, how can you love others if you don't even love yourself. that's the struggle. God, help me to love you. to love your people. to love myself.

it's another beautiful day today. the sun is out shining bright. not bad. feel like i'm wasting my life away. i really am, but i dont really know what to do about it. i really don't. need to find some kind of aim, something to work towards. simple love. how can i share that?

simple compassion : rest

''come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest''
Matt 11 v 28

we need to rest. to be still. in the presence of God.

in order to be able to carry on doing what we need to physically rest as well as mentally. the only problem is how. at the moment i feel so so tired. emotionally and physically but i can't see out. i'm suposed to be taking this week as a rest and break. may be free from uni work (which i never really did much of) but not free from much else. maybe i should learn to just give it up to God. leave it to him to sort things out. i see the beauty of observing the sabbath. people really do need rest cuz we're not super humans. need to be still and re-think and re-adjust my focus in life.

love perserves. it cannot do that if you're tired and weary.

change....

Yeah Show: watched this youtube this morning. simple. but true. believing and trusting in Jesus brings change. or at least it SHOULD bring change. joy. real joy. but so much of the time i dont feel it. i dont have it. really, i should be living in the light, living in freedom.

so, that's why my project is all about change. photographing change. it's amazing actually when you fo out to take photos of specific things....you notice so many more things. i've missed so many things in life. really, i have.

simple compassion : shine

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson (from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles)

shine.glow.

it's true, most of the time we mix trying to be humble and thinking too little of ourselves and end up doing nothing. i must do something for God. he's given me quite a lot and i should actually use what he's given me and not waste it.

Lord, help me to keep a humble and serving heart. Lord, open my eyes to see the need around me and to pray for those who need you. Lord, help me to show love. love for my family, love for my brother, love for myself. Lord, help me to love others as you love them. Lord, I just want ot pray for the many unreached people in this world. Lord, there are so many people that don't know anything about you yet. And Lord, may you forgive my sins. Lord, for all of those things that i do that keep me from you.

Lord, help me to shine in this world, not for myself, but for your glory.

simple compassion : woman

today talks about Priscilla. the writer is a feminist. but, however, she does have a point. she said that actually God values everyone in the same way and that anyone can make a difference, even if it's for one person. it's true. Priscilla was interestingly a very strong woman who must have supported her husband quite a lot in leading the church. they had a church in their home. reminds me of Priss. the name suits her even more, now thinking about it.

had a really tiring day yesterday. honestly, i was pretty exhausted. may be the lack of sleep and stress is finally getting to me properly. my face is blotchy. it was so hot at Primark that i spent the whole of the 4 hours wanting to faint...

i've got up early today. it's a beautiful sunday. want to sing the song: 青早起來
it's a new day. fresh start. let's forget yesterday and start all over again with God today.

simple compassion : position

so, i have this book. auntie suzan bought it for me when i went over to canada last year in february and i havent really read it. it's shameful. actually it's a good book. it's about changing and having a COMPASSION and LOVE for the world. funny actually how everything suddenly comes together. just yesterday i was thinking about the love challenge thing and about starting 'l2ve'. then last night at fellowship we talked about love. 1 john is so great....GOD is LOVE. actually, i really didnt even know that that was in the Bible, just thought that it was something that us christians like to say to each other. but no....it's the words of the Bible

today i'm going to attempt to start this compassion again. not gunna number it so that if i miss a couple of days i'll feel bad...nah, just gunna take it as it comes. so here goes. the first part is based on COMPASSION BEGINS WITH YOU.....bold statement, eh? that effectively means that we're the people who can make a change. don't look at others. look at yourself. so yeh..i'm gunna try to take pictures of change. look above....before the eggs were separate and then they get mixed together and cooked, and then look completely and utterly diffferent. mix and heat. creates the change, but someone needs to do it.

'we are called to show Christ' compassion to the people around us'..called to be different within our community
PRAY. heartful. focussed. PRAYER.
Esther in the Bible was given a royal position. she used it. but she prayed. she fasted and prayer and God answered. she showed love for her people and didnt forget them.

so today is the day that people are saying is the day that the world ends. so what?....lets start today to make a change to the world, until it actually ends. lets start with prayer.

inspired

so, i feel a bit more free. finished all of essays..very badly. but they're done. i honestly fail to see the point of the essay. at least i chatted to kadir and pointed out that he should learn to scan read instead of carefully reading everything...it's so painful...it almost kills me what he tried to point something out to me, but i have to wait till he goes through the entire text...argh....

feel a bit more inspired. why? dunno. may be cuz it's sunny outside. thought up another random idea....l2ve...love 12. the idea is to print 12 postcards and use 12 days to send/give them to 12 different people. spread the love. spread the word. pray. simple. but will probably end up being just one of those ideas....but i can work and dream.

so today's photo is a little weird. actually i just love the colours and spring onion, ginger and garlic happen to be three of the most important things to cook with. just add a couple of dried chillies and sichuan peppercorns and it's complete. trying to train up my tolerance to chillies again. purely to stop my embarrassement when i go to people's house and have to ask for water cuz i'm crying over a piece of chilli.

so, inspiration isn't everything, but it's a start. i need something to focus on something desparately

pairs

things come in twos...or do they really?
everyone has their own partner...partner in marriage, partner in crime, either way, you have a partner
reminds me of a beautiful poem, a picture of how God walks with us. we're never alone;

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

it's been a long time

over a year in fact