i feel so sad.
i need to cry. my dad doesn't give a damn. whats the point? apparently i'm old enough so he doesn't need to bother with me. fine. I guess i can't get it into my stupid thick head.
I just don't matter.
how does God fit into this all? surely God's good. maybe i'm screwed up. been speanding too much time at work doing nothing. noone to care about me. all i end up doing is giving some poor person a zillion missed calls a day. why can't i get it. need to accept it. why is it so difficult.
i'm randomly spending alot of time with the guys at work. it's fun. i like being stupid. i don't get to do that very often. wind people up. I love seeing all the guys progress and move on. it's great.
no, i can't forgive myself about dad. I just dunno why i always want him to notice me or to find some interest in me. end up pushing him over the edge and then he says something that i feel sad about, but he's obliviuos to it all. what is wrong with me, i belong in hell. maybe i should just die here. now.
but i can't. you see all the proper bad stuff thats happening around me. my dad dunt care, so whats new. thats pretty normal for half the world's population, why should i be different.
i'm tired now. ooh...ronaldo is looking pretty fine on the pitch tonight. it's the champions final in moscow: chelsea v manchester. i so shouldn't have stayed up so late to read my book. stupid me.
No comments:
Post a Comment