leave

why i cannot go, leave this world. die.......
God, please tell me why.

endings

byebye ASDA....

end of another job....
sigh....

i've realised something about myself. i don't really like change....whether it's for the good or for the bad. i don't like it. i like to be stuck in one place. i don't like to move on. thats why i dont, and i'm always the person who's left behind.

so, the team from US are coming tomorro...i remember when they came last year. a whole year has passed and gone by. where have a been? what have i done? why do i feel like such a failure? actually, i need to reflect and think about all that i've done,...what have i learnt?

gloria, oh gloria....why do you let your life waste away?....

what have i done this year?

1. i've worked at different places: a year ago, i had just left ARKH....spent half a year coming to terms with that. accepting that i no longer belonged there. i worked at Primark from Nov 2010- june 2011. i did a few interpreting jobs for Global Accent, including getting paid £30 when the client didn't even turn up! i worked at Jialing's newsagents during the summer....nearly killed myself waking up at 5am to open up at 5.45am. worked at ASDA from November 2010- today. now i work at Goodwin.
i've bsically worked all the bank holidays and satudays since novemebr....how sad....

2. i had a blood transfusion! 3 bags of blood was pumped into me...i got to stay overnight in hospital in my own little room.

3. i went to HK. for literally 3 days.

4. i broke another camera...lens. thankfully not the actually camera. i don't think it's a good idea to make an annual event of breaking cameras.

5. oh...i ''studied'' TESOL and translation/ successfully completed the translation part, even though i can't really read Chinese that well.

6. wrote a 2,500 word essay in two days about something that totally have no idea about, proofread essays, typed out books....

so what did i do with the rest of my time? Let me see.....read letters, phone up people, go to the council for people, sign forms, fill in forms, go to random people's house and sit, churchy things.....

thats about it...

oh, and spent half of the time in a state of depression. not good. not good.

need to move on.

actually, one of the most significant things that i've learnt is to appreciate people. honestly, it's been great working at ASDA, not cuz of the actually work, but becasue of the people...the colleagues and the customers. i've spoken to hundreds of people and had a short snippet into thier lives. some customers have shared bereavements, birthdays, moving house, general moanings about the weather and work. i've seen a small insight and really admire quite a lot of people for what they do...people work damn hard for their family and life. so, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. some of the people who you least expect to be nice, are actually the nicest of them all. everyone has a story that is worth listening to . there's something to be learnt from anyone.

so yeh, maybe i've learnt to love people a little more.
but may be it's time to love myself a bit. that, i know i've failed to do for a long long time.

energy

i dunno what to do with myself. i really don't.
this dissertation is driving me insane.i don't even know what to do when i stare at it.
my work is beyond what i can do. i can't even focus. my files are in a mess and i can't remember anyone's name. it stresses me out so much that i can't sleep.
everyone around me is getting married or having kids.
who am i?
sometimes, i just need a chat, just want to relax. but i can't i really can't. i don't understand myself. how long will i spend in this cycle of constant ups and downs?

i am actually, a very blessed person.
my car stopped this morning. just stopped on spring bank. luckily, i saw a police car and asked them to push the car. the RAC man came, found nothing wrong. i drove and he followed me. the car stopped again. in the end, the RAC man fixed it. he spent THREE hours on my car. my dad said that he was an angel....cuz they never spend so long with one person.

energise....

i need some kind of massive energy boost to face tomorrow. i'm dreading it already.

God, i'm praying that you can give me strength. Lord, i really can't do this. i really can't.

coincidence

i spoke to ashleigh at work (ASDA) about me me leaving and working somewhere else. we got talking about Goodwin and she said that she used to be part of the Warren lot...she used to be part of Refugee Week. so, i was like....cool, cuz i was with the steering group since like 2007.

i just looked at my old photos. yep. there is a picture of me and her and another girl, back in 2008. it was pouring with rain and we were soaking wet.
how is that?

so, actually the saying is true 'if you get any two people in hull together and they talk toegher...within 5 minutes they will hav discovered that they know a common person'. it is so so true. i'm discovering that all the time. especially when i'm nosey at ASDA and ask the customer things. I talked to a dinner lady and we ended up talking about Khozga and Akam at school!

Refugee Week- june 2008