i've already failed in this love challenge thingy. i can't stand myself. i hate it, i really do. why am i like this?.....i'm suposed to SHOW love....what have i done? gave nahro and salam a chocolate. bought lunch for nahro. i guess thats ok, thats what i planned out to do. but the rest is bad. rude to everyone with no patience. i can't get somethings in my head. feel like it doesnt really matter what i do to anyone. i'm just useless. only useful when someone needs something.

had a brief sleep tonight at k's house. it's the only house that i can, if i want, feel totally at ease. k doesn't care what i look like or do. i snore and hold his arm. it's good. the world becomes good again for 15 minutes, until i wake and my face smells that distinct stinch of reality.