i have an interview. I have not prepared. Why? I guess it kinda scares me. i'm scared of change. but dunno why. wish i could get out of my comfort zone. need to push myself.

wish i was career minded...strive ahead. but i'm not.

''Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28 v 19-20

hate me

hate life

hate everything

I feel like I'm sinking into my depression again.

wanna cry

need to cry

i have an exam tomorrow. To be honest, I really can't be bothered. Can't be bothered with anything. what's the point. Why can't someone just take my shit and listen to me, tell me it's ok how I feel. But it isn't. I'm a bitch and I know it. What can I do? I'm in a trap. I'm useless at work.Useless at home. Just a nobody. Why? why are there so many beautiful people out there. Why can't I be one of them...need love, I can't just keep on going and giving it out. It's too much.

How can I complain? I got everything. I'm so greedy. What right do I have to demand that someone loves me. I'm just not worth it. Just want someone to say it's ok. But there's noone. Noone. It's a lonely world.

God is so near yet so far. Lord, how do I fit into your plan?

Back to work

i cannot believe that I'm at work. Things are back to normal. It sucks. First thing I get bombarded with is the new layout of the office. Thanks, why does no one tell us before they do that. then I get dragged into the cold to look at the building...
sigh, I hate it when I get into this complaining and moaning mode. It's not good. but I can't see the light when I'm working. I really can't. And I NEED to be a good witness for God.

new year. new hope

empty

i feel sad.
why doesn't Jon like me? I really don't get it. What have I actually done.? I just don't get it

dream

my dream....
to open a coffee shop. not a normal one.sigh, I wish I knew how to start a business. Wish I had the potential to start one. I need some ideas:
name: Hearty Indugence
food:
breakfast-american pancakes, french toast, both served with bacon or fruit, chocolate croissants, yohurt' fondue' with fruit
lunch- bread, jacket potato, soup, noodle/pasta, cheese fondue, chips
dinner- fried rice, pizza, garlic bread, nachos
supper- classic English puds, ice-cream, cake, cheesecake, chocolate fondue, non-alcoholic cocktail
decor: sit on floor, take off shoes, candles
i'll never get there, but I can dream

All by myself

i'll be all byself for the next couple of weeks...gunna be a little strange, I don't quite know what i'm going to do with myself.

another week

so, it's a new week, a new challenge. There is nothing in me that's making me want to work. I'm at work and what am I doin?sigh. I am so lazy.

Had fun yesterday. It was good to go to church. Didn't think that I would say that, but I have. Ended up being pretty late, so had to park in an awkward place. Was meant to be having my car washed, but they missed it out (nevermind). Missed the entire first part of the worship, but they a really really long response thing a dead short message. But it was good. Taught Sunday school to a group of 8 kids, ranging from 2-11..haha it was quite funny. Slipped on a stupid pen and now have a huge bruise on my leg. typical.

Well, I think that I'm going it to give it at least this week to see whether I should stay working here. I'm so bored. Then again, I'm bored very easily!

wishing

i wish i was somewhere else

i wish i was in HK

i wish i could just disappear into thin air and leave

but i can't

have to learn to live

i took this picture on the way to HK, it's of the Humber Estuary as we were crossing the Humber Bridge at like 4.30am. crazy, but it's kinda beautiful. sigh, wish i was on that journey again.

it's so depressing here in UK, in my home, so depressing being me. God...how can I snap out of it? I really don't know