why am i such a failure
what the hell is wrong with me

prayer & fasting day 3: Younas

“The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.”
Psalm 119 v 130

there is literally no time to do anything anymore. honestly. it's awful. my advice to anyone who wants a life....don't get a job that requires you to use your brain. i'm stressed already and this was only my first week. there's targets, things gotta move fast and i honestly have no idea what i'm doind and how on earth i'm suposed to do it. how am i going to cope?

I met with Younas yesterday to talk about work. he taught me a bit about how he teaches English. it's pretty good, I think that there's a lot to be learnt actually. if I left a few of my jobs, then i could have more time to volunteer or not to worry about things that much. but that would mean for sure that i can't move out....until I wait for the pay slip at the end of this month to see how much i get per month, and then reassess....sigh....

I really admire Younas. he's dedicated, good at what he does and incredibily funny. he set up the English classes himself and how has a full-time programme. many lessons to be learnt from him. he comes from Pakistan, where he was teaching and his whole family teach. he said that he taught, is teaching and will always be teaching.

I guess there is always something new to be learnt!

prayer & fasting day 3: Alia

''He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.''
psalm 25 v 9

where am i going in life? i'm just busying myself so so much. have no time to think straight. i'm physically tired aswell. my body can't cope. when am i going to have time to rest? i need to rest. just feel myself going round and round in circles.

Alia. she's from Pakistan. it's so funny, another example of how small hull is. i've just started a job. she's on the same team. she used to be my volunteer at arkh. we got talking and she used to live in nottingham until 1998! what a coincidence!

it's cool how everywhere i go i'm meeting people who are muslims. they are such lovely people. Honestly. i just wish that i could share God's love.

prayer & fasting day 2: Qania

''Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.''
1 peter 4 v 9

Qania. a lovely lovely woman, mother, husband, friend. she came to UK 3 years ago with her two kids. now she has three. if Qania isn't cooking, she's cleaning, if she's not doing that she's making tea or trying to get you to eat or try any food in the house. it's great! she is able to make a lot of different things, the most interesting thing i tried was like a watermelon skin jam type thing. mmm....pretty strange. i saw her yesterday and she was so tired. felt for her. then she started cooking!

fasted till 6pm yesterday. it was ok actually.

i'm just too tired these days. i can't concentrate on dissertation. not sure what to do.

prayer & fasting day 1: Shano

''For the Lamb at the centre of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.''
Rev 7 v 17

this month, i am going to pray for a muslim everyday. as you can see, i'm already one day behind. but it's ok. yesterday, i tried to fast. i lasted till about 12 noon and then they gave us lunch. it would have been a bit strange if i said that i was fasting, so i ate. may be i'm going to try to fast for breakfast and pray instead. that is if my will power allows me to!

Shano. she is one of my best friends actually. makes me laugh when i say that cuz they always say to me that i'm their best friend and i never believe them cuz i think that they must have so many other friends and besides, out communication is incredibility minimal. but, im actually saying this truthfully. when my grandma died, she was the first person that i told. she's like my mother, except that she's actually younger than me. may be cuz she's got two kids and a husband....she's certainity more 'grown-up' and sensible than me. Shano is the best person at cooking. she can make anything and makes it good. and her tea is the best. this perfection is probably fuelled by the fact that her husband has high expectations and also does things very well. it's funny when you look over the last couple of years. she only came to UK on 4/6/09. been practically living at their house. she is amazingly good at English, for someone who didn't really go to school and only learnt English on and off for one year. i can have conversations and we can understand each other pretty much ok.

so, i pray that God will bless Shano. give her good health and energy to look after her family. Lord, give her joy and peace. Lord, i also ask that you will be able to give her an opportunity to learn English again, i know that she would love to be able to go to college again. Lord, i also ask that you will be able to give me the opportunity to share with her your love. Lord, may i be a witness to the people around me. Lord, may i be the person in this community that can live out and shine the light for you. in His precious name. amen