i have an interview. I have not prepared. Why? I guess it kinda scares me. i'm scared of change. but dunno why. wish i could get out of my comfort zone. need to push myself.

wish i was career minded...strive ahead. but i'm not.

''Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28 v 19-20

hate me

hate life

hate everything

I feel like I'm sinking into my depression again.

wanna cry

need to cry

i have an exam tomorrow. To be honest, I really can't be bothered. Can't be bothered with anything. what's the point. Why can't someone just take my shit and listen to me, tell me it's ok how I feel. But it isn't. I'm a bitch and I know it. What can I do? I'm in a trap. I'm useless at work.Useless at home. Just a nobody. Why? why are there so many beautiful people out there. Why can't I be one of them...need love, I can't just keep on going and giving it out. It's too much.

How can I complain? I got everything. I'm so greedy. What right do I have to demand that someone loves me. I'm just not worth it. Just want someone to say it's ok. But there's noone. Noone. It's a lonely world.

God is so near yet so far. Lord, how do I fit into your plan?

Back to work

i cannot believe that I'm at work. Things are back to normal. It sucks. First thing I get bombarded with is the new layout of the office. Thanks, why does no one tell us before they do that. then I get dragged into the cold to look at the building...
sigh, I hate it when I get into this complaining and moaning mode. It's not good. but I can't see the light when I'm working. I really can't. And I NEED to be a good witness for God.

new year. new hope